Fat Thoughts... and I don't mean PHAT....

P.H.A.T.  - one of my favorite  phrases - Pretty Hot and Tempting.  That's one of my all time favorite phrases.  I used to call myself that all the time - being silly, of course.  But as life would have it - at that time, I wasn't PHAT - I was FAT.  Straight up.  This was about 10 years ago.  And I lost it - down to 150 pounds. And guess what happened!?!?  Yup.  Gained it back.

Now, I didn't gain it all back.  And I had two more kids after I lost it all.  But it's been a yo- yo, fluctuating game since then.  I have went up and down between 150 and 210 for the past ten years.  (Just so ya know, I am 5'9").   Well, I had an epifany.  A rude awakening, if you will.  And here is what was.  I was killing myself slowly and miserably.  With a fork.  And a spoon.  And wow.  That's eye opening.

I started having issues.  My stress level was out the roof.  I was always tired.  No matter how much I slept, I felt like I couldn't get enough sleep.  And granted - a lot had been going on in my life.   But still.       I began dating my husband during this time - and he shed an amazing amount of weight while we were dating.  And what was I doing?  Nothing.

See, this man loved me more than himself.  He loved me so much that he sacrificed his own comfort.  His own vice.  His lifestyle that he was used to - so that he could be a strong, healthy man and stay around for a long, long time.  And I hadn't done that.   I had praised him for it.  Told him how proud I was of him.  But did I jump on that bandwagon?  Absolutely not.  Because, as long as I wasn't as "fat" as I was before, it couldn't be that bad.  But guess what?  It was.  And here is how.
1.  I have more shoes and jewelry than anyone should ever have.  Those things can change any outfit - which kept me from purchasing a lot of clothes, cause I hated trying on clothes.
2.  I wore a dress/bathing suit to my brother in law's Memorial Day Pool Party.  I am 35.  I wore a dress bathing suit.  A DRESS!!!!!  And let me tell ya what, If your legs are chubby, and you got wet fabric rubbing your whole leg - well in about 4 hours you will be screaming.  Just saying.
3.  My work pants hurt.  I was one of those  people who came home and had to put on sweats ASAP.

Well, I decided I had to do something.  No choice.  No looking back.  Because I realized, I had everything in this world to be healthy for.  And I am stronger than a cheeseburger.  A sundae.  I have three beautiful kids, and a man who loves me.  So I joined a program at the Gym called "Transformers" - I am sure you can guess where that goes.  And here's the thing.  I joined it to transform the outside - but a lot more has transformed than that.  It's my insides.  I have realized that I was an emotional eater.   And I would have never thought that.

I was mad, I'd get a snack.  Sad, I'd get a snack.  Lose control, snack.  And I never realized I did it - until I had to journal my food.  And not go above a certain number in calories.  When I would find myself in front of the pantry - searching - reading to see what was in my caloric limits - and realizing I wasn't hungry at all.  I still can't believe it in a way.

So here is what I am learning.  God gave me the most amazing machine to walk this world in.  And I change the oil in my car, put gas in it to make it go, get new brakes - I will not treat my car better than my body.  And frankly, that's what I had been doing.   Am I going to be a supermodel?  Maybe.  Probably Not.  But I will be healthy.  I will workout, be mindful of how my food choices affect my family.   My lack of exercise affects my family.  And  not being here would affect my family.  God has bigger things to do with me.

Have a great day - and get healthy!!!!